I Was Ready

There are moments when I have read of some abusive situations or speak to someone being abused, and I just want to shake them. I just want to yell at them “just walk away”… and I don’t understand why they stay.

The truth of the matter is that you simply can’t walk away until YOU are ready and different people are ready at different times.

Personally, it took me over 10 years to be ready, so honestly, I have no right to be frustrated or yelling at anyone or wondering why.

I knew early on in my own marriage that this was a bad decision, I knew early on that this would not end well. All the red flags were there, so many I could have made a scarf or something with them. Yet, I hung in there, I kept thinking I could make it work, I kept thinking if I tried this or if I tried that it might get better, and it didn’t. I was just fooling myself because we all know you can’t do the tango by yourself… and yet we try.

It was not just that I loved him or that I care for him, that was never really the issue. There were so many other things to consider. When I would think about it… There was family involved, a network of friends, colleagues, and all the other nitty-gritty of life, such as finances and health and housing. It was always a million and one reasons to stay and continue to try to make it work. Because leaving would cause havoc not only in your own life but in those around you.

And in the end, reality just set in … and I left. I left when I did because I WAS READY, not because anyone yelled at me, or anyone shook me. I left because there was more energy being spent trying to force a life that really didn’t exist, except to outsiders looking in. I left because I literally felt like I could not breathe anymore. I left because living a lie and pretending life is good is exhausting.

I left when I WAS READY…

So be patient and forgiving with yourself if you haven’t left yet. If you’re on the outside looking in and even suspect abuse, just be there to catch them when they are ready, and remember it takes some people longer than others, so be patient.

Written: August 5, 2020