Vow of Silence

When a child gets mad, sometimes they poof their lips, cross their arms, and refuse to talk to you. They no longer want to be your friend. The younger the child the cuter we think they look. As adults, we try to talk to them gently and reason with them, so they can understand their feelings.

When an adult does this it’s not cute and depending on the situation it can be scary. When your partner, the person you love and care for, suddenly decides that they will not talk to you, it can put you on shaky emotional ground.

I know for me personally; I would always try to give him his space to work out whatever he was feeling. Other times, I would try to talk to him gently, reasonably, and have a dialogue to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. There were also the many, many times where I would apologize, even for things I had not done just to appease him. Most often than not, none of these approaches would work, and things would escalate. Often, anything I tried was wrong and an excuse for him to continue in his silent rage.

My partner would simply rage in silence for hours and sometimes even days. Many times, I would feel like I was walking on eggshells. Other times, I would just grieve. I would cry in the solace of the shower or go on a walk by myself. And then I would emerge or return to the house smiling as if nothing was happening. Pretending everything was good, while he was silently raging, yet I would continue grieving inside because I knew deep down that the house of cards was crumbling each time this happened. I knew it was a matter of time before one of us had had enough and walked away.

I know there are psychological explanations out there on why someone would give their partner the silent treatment. I’m sure it has something to do with wearing you down mentally and emotionally. I’m sure it has something to do with manipulating power over you, as you walk around in a fog trying to figure out what YOU could have done wrong this time, what YOU can do to fix it, and what YOU could do to salvage a situation because after all, it’s all on YOUR shoulders to resolve. If your partner knows that you have fears of abandonment and they do this to you, they’re just pushing your buttons in one of the cruelest ways, it’s just another tactic to keep you in line.

What I do know is that I should have walked away the FIRST time I was given the silent treatment. I should have respected myself enough to say a vow of silence was not part of our wedding ceremony… Goodbye       

Written 8/14/2020